I realize that I will probably be struck by lightning for saying this, but I’m a little disappointed that Gustav did not end up being a category 5 hurricane. There is some part of me–some twisted, evil part–that loves mayhem.
On a personal level I don’t want anyone’s home to be destroyed, or people to lose their lives. On a personal level it breaks my heart. But when I read the news, I really love to hear how terrible the flooding is on the Mississippi River in the Springtime. Or how many tornados have hit the midwest. I was so excited for another tsunami when there was that earthquake last week in Indonesia. (No dice.)
I can’t make sense of this part of my personality. I was so sad about all those poor children who died in China in the earthquakes. But I felt a little thrill every time the death toll would go higher. Am I mobid? Disturbed? Does it have something to do with the fact that I love America’s Funnies Home Videos (People doubled over with pain? How hilarious!), but on a grander scale?
Keep in mind I want none of this for myself. I lived in acute paranoia of tornados growing up in the Midwest. I am petrified of earthquakes and fires. I would just fall apart if I lost all my earthly possessions.