During this magical time of year I have several thoughts that keep running through my head. Most are not important (natch) but they must be shared. Consider it my Christmas gift to you.
“Jingle Bell Rock” makes me want to slit my throat. “Jingle Bells” is almost as annoying; fortunately it’s a dumb song so it’s never on the radio.
Being the kind of person who hates making lists is usually a pretty mellow, great way to be. But it becomes necessary in December. And then those lists must be looked at often. Otherwise you end up at Michael’s twice in one day and make the wrong cookies for the wrong activity (“wait, was I supposed to bring three dozen gingersnaps to the Ward Party and four dozen Snickerdoodles to the Middle School Cookie Exchange or was it the other way around?”)
Why must all my children have various choral/dance/piano performances at Christmastime? I would like to hear/see them just as much–more, even–in January, when I’m not double-booked with festivities every single night.
If you ask me to do something–host the Young Women’s Christmas dinner, for example–it’s really a good idea to remind me many times, several days in advance. Otherwise I probably will have forgotten and will choose that very day to drag out all my Christmas decorations.
Hey, pop singers, if you want to make a Christmas album, come up with some new songs of your own! We really don’t need yet another version of “Santa Baby”. Also if you’re Jewish it seems a little strange that you would want to make a Christmas Album. Because you don’t, you know, believe in Christ and all that. Although I have to admit that I do love Barbra Streisand’s version of “Jingle Bells”.
I like the idea of heated car seats, but when I feel the warmth spreading across my bum I think for a second that I’ve wet my pants.
Christmas parties are not very fun when everyone is drinking but you. You’re old enough to not mind abstaining, but it gets very tiring saying, “no, really I’m fine. I like Coke.” And then everyone gets drunk and it’s awful for a whole other reason. Bonus points of it’s your husband’s work party and you don’t know most of the people to begin with. More bonus points if you’re a stay-at-home mother and have to somehow let people know that you are intelligent and witty even though your days revolve around things like potty training and spelling lists. Even more bonus points if you put on your cute party outfit and realize that you wore it to last year’s party as well because it’s pretty much your only cute party outfit.