Allow me to introduce the Stink-Finder


The Stink-Finder can be found on various pet websites.  It’s nothing more than a fancy black light. Those who are familiar with the C.S.I. oeuvre know that it enables a person to see traces of blood.  It also enables a person to see traces of urine so it’s perfect for finding those hidden places where Fluffy piddled on the carpet.  

Several years ago I happened to have a child that liked to piddle on the carpet: Finn.  A good six or eight months after he was completely potty-trained his bedroom started to stink.  Badly. And occasionally I would step in a big wet puddle on his carpet.  I used gallons of Kids N’ Pets but I just couldn’t get rid of the nastiness.

So I figured the Stink-Finder would show me where I needed to clean. I got my stink-Finder in the mail, took it down to Finn’s room and turned it on.

Good Gracious Agnes.

There were big curlicues of pee all over the floor.

 

Swirls.

Designs.

This wasn’t the squatting in the corner of a boy who couldn’t make it to the toilet. No siree. This was recreational urination, pure and simple.

I was almost beside myself.  I brought Finn into his bedroom and showed him the evidence.  The jig is up, I told him.  All urine will now go in the toilet.

Charts and stickers were employed. 

Candy.

Cajoling.

Threats.

None of it worked.  

One day in absolute desperation I sat him down. “Why?” I pleaded.  “I don’t care if you never stop peeing on your floor.  I just want to know why.  Please!”

Without so much as a pause he answered me.

“Satan told me to.”

Uh.  Um. 

I didn’t know whether to call Mister or have the bishop do an excorcism.

Can Satan tell your child to pee on the floor?  I have no idea.  All these years later I still don’t know what to think about that answer.

But the happy news is that a few days later I moved Finn into his older brother’s room.  I figured there was no way that York would allow any peeing on his floor.  And he didn’t.  Finn never piddled on the floor again*.  

And the Stink-Finder was happily retired.

The End.

*Finn did poop in the cat’s house a little while later. And he pooped in the playhouse sink.  Then his fascination with all potty-related things was over. Or maybe Satan just moved on to another four-year-old.

| Filed under Bad Things, Funny, Yuck

12 thoughts on “Allow me to introduce the Stink-Finder

  1. Satan moved onto another 4 yr old, mine. I got a stink finder too and found the same lovely designs.

    Nothing I did got him to stop. It just did magically one day…when Satan found the next 4 yr old.

  2. I'm just glad he stopped – I remember how confused you were by the whole thing…you have dealt with kid's waste more than anyone I know…you definitely deserve a medal or something 🙂

  3. Hmmm that is one of the most interesting and kind of disturbing stories that I have ever heard…and the response that Satan made him do it. Well that is just classic.

    I am glad that you found such a handy machine to take down the bad habits. Can it do anything for kids that talk back?

  4. Hahaha, I remember that. I guess I shouldn't laugh. It probably wasn't funny. But the poop in the playhouse still cracks me up.

    And I guess I should hurry and get Beck potty trained while he's 3, or Satan might put him under that spell too.

  5. That is the FUNNIEST story ever — even if you were crying at the time. Aren't terrible stories told years later GREAT! You can make any tragedy sound funny.

  6. You make me very glad that I only have girls!! There is no "pee art" in this house. Although, I did have the poop art on the wall once, just once, and it still made me question my decision to have children!!!

  7. Love it! Problem is, I currently have a 10 yr old who does this same thing…in his sleep! We thought it was the dog, but his brother caught him one night come walking out of his room, pull down his pants, pee all over the loft, and turn around and go back to bed!

    Still haven't nailed down a solution for this one yet!

  8. When my SIL lived in Kentucky she was at a friends house and things got a little too quite. They found the son in the bathroom and he had peed all over…the floor, the wall, the mirror.

    His mother asked him "What were you thinking?" And his reply was, "About Jesus."

    I am not sure which was worse, but it seems there is good and evil to both sides of the pee pee battle.

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