These weren’t the worst movie of last year. These were the ones I personally didn’t like at all. This list isn’t as long as my “favorites” list, because I tried to avoid movies that looked bad to begin with (which is why The Secret Life of Pets isn’t on this list.) Whatever the reason, here are the movies I either hated or was super disappointed with:
Tarzan Most people don’t know this but the original Tarzan was a creation of author Edgar Rice Burroughs over a hundred years ago. The books, although great, are surprisingly cerebral. People love the idea of a man raised by animals in the jungle and Tarzan has been a fixture in Hollywood since the beginning. Some of the versions have been OK, but this isn’t one of them. Tarzan is actually fine (and pretty hot. Which is the only common thread that runs through every movie), it’s Jane that I have the problem with. She wears ridiculous clothes that aren’t at all what would have been worn back then. She is much too modern. And even though Margot Robbie is the prettiest woman in the whole world, I thought she was all wrong in this movie. It totally ruined it for me. The whole tribal vendetta thing is totally stupid and farfetched and this movie overall was dumb.
This is supposed to be the clothing of a lady from the 1880’s? I think I saw someone at church last week wearing this same exact outfit.
Oh, heeeey, Tarzan. Wouldn’t you prefer your old leopard-skin loin cloth like the good old days?
My Big Fat Green Wedding 2 Who didn’t love the original? I was so hopeful for this sequel but it was stale right from the start. The exact same jokes and gags simply told in a slightly different way. The whole original cast came back (even Yiayia! How can she not be dead?) and instead of sparkling with humor and personality, they just seemed tired. Total bummer.
April and the Extraordinary World This animé cartoon had the best reviews so I took my kids to see it. We were bored out of our minds and I fell asleep twice (in the middle of the day!). Some people love this style of animation but I don’t. Even as a little girl I thought it looked weird and unappealing. There were some really clever and original ideas in this steampunk version of the past, but mostly I didn’t care about anyone or anything in this movie. I have never wanted a movie to be over as much as this one!
Florence Foster Jenkins Although I love Hugh Grant and Meryl Streep and was amused by this movie about a weird, rich old lady who thinks she’s a great singer but she’s absolutely abysmal but everyone tries to pretend she’s not. That’s literally the entire plot right there. I ultimately felt like it was a very flat movie. Mister and I both left the theatre feeling 100% ho-hum. Everything added together should have made this movie stellar but instead it didn’t quite work out. Maybe because you never really get why any of this happens. Why people are such good sports, why her husband cares that much to fool her, just why? Why???
Jason Bourne This movie wins my award for “Most Disappointing”. Jason Bourne is the greatest character of the action hero/spy genre; also it stars my celebrity boyfriend, Matt Damon. In the past films you could see Jason Bourne’s mind working and note his intelligence; Jason Bourne was always a little different than the other guys. But now he’s turned into the same fighter/killer as every other action hero. There was no personality to him in this movie. You could have changed this from Jason Bourne to any other action star and it wouldn’t have made any difference. This was just a generic fight-guy movie.
Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them Please don’t crucify me but I didn’t really like this movie at all. I thought it was dark (literally and figuratively) with none of the charm of previous movies in the Potter oeuvre. The beasts were cheesy and I really didn’t care much for any of the characters. Also it takes place in New York and haven’t we had enough movie set in New York to last a lifetime? Dear Hollywood, there are a bajillion other places in America so please pick somewhere else to set your movie. Please. Oh my gosh, please.