Hey, funny pants

Every once in a while Mister likes to psyche me out and pretend to have died.  Hilarious, no?

There was the time he was trying to fix our washing machine and got a gigantic shock.  “The shock went up one arm and down the other,” he told me. I wasn’t surprised since that washer liked to shock people randomly, but never had it given such a big one.  Anyway, a little while later we were sitting on the sofa talking and his eyes just rolled back into his head and he sort of slumped over and made this weird choking noise.  I had one of those experiences where a million thoughts flew through my head: “I can’t believe I’m a widow now!  There’s no way I’m getting married again.  Who is going to dress him for the funeral?  What am I going to tell the kids? How can this be happening to me?” And then he sat up and started laughing.

Very funny, Mister.

A year or so later, Mister had been complaining about really bad headaches (he’s always complaining about some sort of ailment.  It’s kind of a hobby in his family).  I went down to the basement for something and when I came back up Mister was lying on the kitchen floor with his head in a pool of blood.

I freaked.

Only it wasn’t blood, it was ketchup.

I didn’t kick him in the balls, but I should have. Playing dead is not nice to do to a woman who has six children.

But I do love a good joke.

So we’re still married.

| Filed under Bad Things, Funny

11 thoughts on “Hey, funny pants

  1. I would KILL him!

    Lacking that (as it would be just as bad as having him die) maybe YOU could play dead, and see if he likes THAT!

  2. Wow. You have a lot of thoughts go through your head before you bother to see if he's alive…

    The couch episode sounds like Jared falling asleep.

  3. That is not funny. Not funny at all!!!

    But I do give him bonus points for planning far enough ahead to get the ketchup ready and everything.

  4. My hubby did a death fake. One time. When we were newlyweds. I freaked. I think he thought that, now I knew he was fine, I'd go ahead and KILL him. Which he would have deserved. He hasn't tried it since.

    You are a good sport.

  5. He thinks faking death is funny, you think kicking him in the balls is funny – everyone laughs!

    Right? 🙂

    Maybe you could use the ketchup next time, like put it down his pants while he's sleeping. Nothing panics a guy like bleeding manbits…

  6. That is SO not funny. If Dean did that I would kill him, except for that, as L. said, that would only make things worse.

    Even less funny? My brother (who was about 12 years old maybe) running into the room where my mom was with ketchup on his fingers shouting, "Mom, you know the soft spot on the baby's head?" So, so, so not funny.

  7. I would not be alright with these little tricks in our house, I am totally afraid that something will happen to James and I WILL be left alone with the kids, then what? Terrifies me.

    However reading about Mister doing it is much funnier. I like it.

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