Flummoxed

I do not understand certain things:

Why people dislike traveling when there are no kids involved. Sitting in a chair, albeit an uncomfortable one on a plane, with nothing to do but read books and eat snacks? Delightful! You would be correct in assuming that I’m pretty jazzed about flying solo.

Big purses!  They’re everywhere!  I hate them!  Listen, I just got my kids all potty trained.  The last thing I want is to feel like I’m carrying around a diaper bag again.  I need to keep my handbag streamlined and little or pretty soon it becomes a repository for every receipt and piece of garbage my hand touches.

Why is everyone getting their hair cut? It’s like some sort of epidemic amongst the people I know. Is this happening where you live? Are people looking for a change in the weather, but if not they’ll take a change in their hair? I went shorter last year and learned my lesson: I don’t look so good with a bob anymore.

Why would you shop anywhere other than Target? Don’t say “prices” because Wal Mart’s not that much cheaper.  Besides, isn’t it worth it to go to a store and not be frightened by the state of humanity?

How can women not notice they have a hairy upper lip?  And how can it not drive them crazy? I know a couple of people who don’t wax their lips ever–and they need to.  I think about it every time I look at them. I mean, it’s distracting (I’m not saying who it is.  If you know me IRL you can just become increasingly paranoid that maybe it’s you I’m talking about). It’s not that hard to wax your own face. You can do it! Or better yet, pay someone to do it for you!  I have to wax not only my stache, but my burns, my eyebrows and the three crazy hairs that grow underneath my chin and drive me insane (I can feel them, but I can’t see them.  It’s like the lady version of Chinese water torture).  It’s not just me, either.  Mister once broke up with a girl he liked because she had a stache and he didn’t have the nerve to say anything about it.  I know, we’re a deep couple.

Why do people not make homemade cookies? Is it really so hard to combine eight ingredients? I can have a batch of chocolate chip cookies in the oven in five minutes. And they are so much better than the kind you scoop out of a plastic tub or–horrors!–buy at the store. If one more person says to me, “I’m just not good at it”, I swear I will scream. Just make them a few times and you will be good at it. It’s making cookies, folks, not sewing a wedding dress. Get my favorite chocolate chip recipe here.

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15 thoughts on “Flummoxed

  1. Hi Jennie. I started reading your blog when Kacy wrote about meeting you. I love your writing style and humor! I have 5 kids, and after having lived in the Middle East for a few years, have spent plenty of time in airplanes and airports with little ones. Like you said, going solo is a little bit of heaven. 🙂

  2. Waxing is essential. I do it like clock work every 5 weeks. Some times it is more often than I shave my legs, but who sees those anyway? Everyone sees my face. I loved the shirt you made for your interview. You are amazing. You really should consider posting patters for those of us less skilled, or you could just email them to me 🙂

  3. Traveling solo- totally agree. I'd go right this second, even though I haven't showered or dressed. If I could be alone on a plane practically anywhere, sounds lovely to me. All I need is a book and ear plugs.

    Target? Is there anyplace else BUT Target? A year ago I had to go to the mall and was amazed at how many cute clothes there were, outside of Target. It'd been a long time since I'd ever looked elsewhere. (I haven't been back though- I still hate the mall)

    I only make homemade cookies if I want to eat them as well. Otherwise, they're gone in less time than it took to make them and clean them up, but I do let my kids make them on their own if they want.

    Sorry, can't relate to the waxing thing (unless of course..you think I need to…)

    I do have very fond memories of helping you pluck those nasty chin hairs though. I'm still haunted/fascinated by how LONG that one little hair actually got growing under your chin..

  4. I pluck mine. We're good.

    And I agree on the cookies. They're much better homemade. I recently discovered the wonders of a gadget called a "cookie-dough baller" and it makes me quite happy.

  5. 1. I have made all my friends take a blood oath that they HAVE TO TELL ME when it appears I'm growing a 'stache. This is IMPORTANT. I demand to be told THE TRUTH.

    2. I had this conversation about flying with a single, childless friend. You mean I can sit in one place, read, not talk to anyone, be given a drink, and I'm ALONE? I don't have to keep anyone else quiet, entertained, or clean? It used to be that flying was a pain, but compare that to flying with children and flying ITSELF seems like a freaking vacation.

    3. Yes. Cookies. So easy. You can do it, world, no more pre-packaged dough! Believe in yourself! Etc.!

  6. I know we've never met, but I still have this sneaking suspicion that it's my mustache you're referring to. Off to find my tweezers!

  7. Made those cookies today and they are fabulous! Perfect dough for eating… I think I found my new cookie recipe! Thanks!

  8. Dude, I so agree with you on pretty much anything. It takes way more time to go to the store for cookies than make them (and, of course, they taste way better homemade), big purses SUCK, airplane flying if less than 5 hours is really nice without kids. More than 5 hours, though, and I get antsy. Finally, no one I know is getting their hair cut. Must be a Texas epidemic.

  9. Sorry, Jennie. If you can make a cookie as CRUNCHY as super-chunky Chips Ahoy, I'll make them. But soft cookies, while yummy, only add weight to hips.

    I do (did!), as you know, make cookie dough strictly to EAT RAW. Do you remember when we took a bowl of raw cookie dough to a church party which featured "Our Family's Favorite Desert?" The parents cringed and wondered if we were sane while the kids scarfed up spoonfuls of dough!

    Fortunately I have neighbors with chickens, so on my non-diet day, I buy some freshly laid eggs, make some batter, and EAT WITH PURE JOY!!!!!

  10. I'm totally with you on the cookie thing – it's so much easier! And you would tell me if I needed to wax my face, right?

  11. I can fully attest to the beauty of the flying alone thing. It was the best part of my trip.

    Also, can't tell you how many times I said "I am soooo glad we didn't bring the kids on this trip" in the last week.

    No haircut here.

    And no hairy upper lip either.

  12. I will make sure to wax my lip before we go out to lunch! ;D

    And on that same note…I need to find a place. Do you have any recommendations? My eyebrows are to crazy to do on my own!

  13. Do you remember that one time that you saved my life on an airplane and risked your personal well being and your bladder to sit next to one of my kids…well you pretty much reached super hero status around our house that day. So I am glad that you at least had one full flight where you were able to enjoy the alone time.

    I will have to try your recipe hopefully it makes more than James' favorite one that we make. Those seem to be gone before I can get a few for myself. We love your snickerdoodle's and make those a lot too. I guess we just love homemade cookies.

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