I’m just so sick of you (and by “you” I mean “me”)

I’m seriously sick of myself lately.  Do you ever feel that way?  You look at yourself and think, “Ugh.  What is wrong with me?”  

Everything I’m hating pretty much stems from an utter lack of self-discipline.  For example, I’m 39 and I still bite my nails.  All the time.  Why?  I’ve been trying to kick the habit for at least 25 years (by “trying” I mean “contemplating”).  I happen to be very fond of biting my nails.  I do it absent-mindedly mostly; when I’m watching movies or reading a book.  But I realize that a lot of people think it’s gross/juvenile/germy.  So this week I really, really have tried to stop.  No fingers in the mouth.  It’s hard for me, so no judging, mm-kay?

I also have realized that my name is Jennie and I’m a sugar addict (hello, Jennie).  Oh man, I got it bad.  I have come to understand that I cannot fill my craving by eating a little bit of sweets.  Because “filling my craving” has never happened.  Eating sweets just makes me want more and more sweets until the cake is gone, or the bag of M&M’s is empty.  There is no “stop”, there is only “more”.  (If only I were bulimic!  But I have to say that throwing up is NOT my favorite.)  This sugar thing is actually quite frightening.

And so I have cut sweets out of my life.  Completely.  No cheat days (because a cheat day turns into a cheat weekend, which turns into a cheat week and then it continues into a full-fledged spiral of shame).  No special occasions (addiction sucks, friends!)  I’m hoping to continue for a couple of months.  I have to give myself an end because you and I both know I can’t keep it up forever.

So far I’m on day five, and if you’ve ever tried to kick the sugar monster to the curb, you know the first three or four days are the worst. So I’m over the hardest part.  I’m very proud of myself thus far.  I went to Bunco last night where the homemade cookies and caramel corn filled every inch of the counter.  And I abstained.  I passed it all over.  Instead I ate most of the bacon-wrapped water chestnuts that I brought (hey, I’ve got to pig out on something!)

Next on my list of things I hate about myself is the fact that I just loathe exercising and cleaning my house.  I want to be thin and fit and I love having a clean house, but somehow the desire and the actions don’t quite jive.  But I can’t talk about those right now or I’ll just end up crying myself to sleep.

 

What about you?  What do you hate about yourself lately?

| Filed under Bad Things, I'm Not So Great

16 thoughts on “I’m just so sick of you (and by “you” I mean “me”)

  1. Okay, I think we have more in common than I though! ;D

    Maybe we should start a 12 step program for unmotivated housekeepers that like to eat sugar, bite their nails and not exercise!

    Okay, maybe just a club.

  2. Hello, my name is Boppie, and I'm a sugar addict.

    I was doing OK until I came to your house and celebrated Ada and your birthdays, plus took each kid out on a date and bought them goodies. My only nod to restraint was that I could have no goodie larger than the goodie my grandchild selected.

    After that, I promised that any time I ate sugar I would have to pay my sister $5. I'm up to $30 today.

    I may have to go the whole route and MATCH my sister – also an addict – and pay her $50 every single time I eat sugar!!!!!!! Oh, woe and gloom!

    Congrats, Jennie, on 5 good days!

  3. I think we may be the same person. I hate that I bite my nails and also chew on the end of pens.

    I've cut out sweets (and extra snacking) for two weeks now- although I allow my self one Lindt truffle a day if I do my housecleaning to-do list (because that is the only way I get it done).

    I also cut out the sweets because I'm sure I will never get the exercise thing going. So I decided to cut calorie intake instead.

    In short, I've been struggling with a lack of self-discipline, too. Good luck tackling yours!

  4. Here's the thing: I never noticed that you bite your nails. You look the same as you did when we were 15 even if you eat lots of sweets (same can't be said for all us.) Basically, I think you're great. That's why I'm still friends with you after 24 years.

    Here's to another 24!

  5. I'm an on-again off-again nail biter too, so I understand. Lately the thing that's worked for me is painting my nails, because then if I bite them they look especially horrendous. You can also get nail polish that burns your tongue should you go for a nibble. 😀

    Sweets are a hard thing for me, too. And honestly, the longer you go without, the easier it becomes to say no, so way to push forward. If scare tactics work for you, my mom is also a sugar addict and she gave herself diabetes because of it. So stay away, Jennie! Stay away!

    As for me, I have to get myself to exercise more. When I go running I feel so much better about myself, but usually it's really hard to motivate myself to actually put on contacts and go outside. :O

  6. Go easy on your self honey, You keep & other people on track, no small task!

    I have a lengthy list of things I hate about me too! I don't bite my nails, but I do play with my hair. It sometimes drives people around me crazy. I have know idea how to stop, because I also do that absent mindedly.

    How to conquer not wanting to clean the house…I have the same problem, I just come up with better excuses depending on the stage of life I'm at. I actually did keep the house fairly clean for the couple of years I had everyone in school all day and I didn't work. All bets are off on that one now. Since I started working full time when my hubs got laid off, I not only hate that I don't want to clean, I hate that I'm not very good at getting my kids to clean.

    As for the sweets, I dropped soda instead. That was really hard, but 5 months later and I've have only cheated a couple of times. Not too bad right?

    You're wonderful! And your blog makes it sound like you exercise and clean all the time.

    You go girl!!!

  7. you're scaring me. you need to read "intuitive eating". it's the only thing that ever works for me.

    can't help you with the cleaning thing.

    ps. it's strangely liberating to type with no capitals… i wonder if this is how it feels for women with small breasts to go without a bra…?

  8. My list of hates is pretty long today. Hate that I am a tired person, just tired all the time. Hate that I can't to save my life get on top of laundry, or cleaning. Feel like if I were a "good" mom I would be one that gets up at like 5, excersises, takes a shoer and has a wonderful breakfast ready when my kids are up. Nope! Not here! Don't have a good steady list of chores for my kids, it's more willy-nilly right now. Oh, the list is very long! And don't get me started on the eating thing. I am just like you in that I CANNOT just taper back- I have to go all the way because the cheating is not just a small cheat, ever! I am starting a 6-week eating cleanse this week. Gotta do something for my body! Anyway, I suppose we are have our hang-ups and short-comings don't we! For the record, I think you are fabulous!

  9. Go get em tiger! I think if you can make it past the first 2 weeks it is all cake. I like to think of it as a game – if I stop myself from eating the food I am more powerful than if I give in…

  10. Yes, kicking a sugar addiction is the pits. That first week is awful. but it does get easier. Usually by the end of the second week, I'm shocked to discover I hardly think of it at all.

    You should have told me you were going off sugar. I'm on day 2 myself. I'm only doing OK. I had a 1" square bite of cookie yesterday. And today I had half a cinnamon roll. So not too bad, but if you'd told me you were doing it too, we could have been each other's moral support!

  11. Where should I start?!

    My starbucks habit. No matter what I do, I CANNOT KICK IT!! It is so expensive, visiting every day. I'm a fiend. I'm sitting here drinking my home Starbucks, but what am I going to do on my way home from the Vet? Yep! Mocha Frap. I should've moved where there wasn't a SB. Seriously?! As if that would happen.

    Second, why do I require nine hours of sleep to function fully? WHY!? It isn't fair. My husband can roll on five, sometimes less, but not me. It is awful. I don't get that much sleep and would be much nicer and more productive if I could deal with less.

    Third, why am I so forgetful?! I've been out of dental floss for two weeks and I keep forgetting to pick some up. You would think that the daily morning disappointment would be enough to help me remember, but no. I won't. It will be six months before I remember when I am actually at the store. Perhaps, before then. That is only because my dentist gives me free floss and I'm due for a visit soon. It's okay. I'll leave it in my car for like two weeks after that until I remember what I did with it.

    Hmm…now, I have to get back to whatever I was doing. Oh forget it, I should just go to Starbucks.

  12. Are you me? Lol absolutely everything you said was about me! No sugar starts for me tomorrow! Im scared!

    How are you doing with the biting nails thing? I dont even realize I am doing it sometimes!

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