Some of you may be disappointed that I’m not going to keep going with my story I started yesterday (you might want to scroll down and read it first). Partly because there’s not much more to tell (in a nutshell I was really sad. And then I got pregnant a few months later and had a healthy and wonderful baby girl. And then a couple of years after that I got pregnant again and had an even worse experience which you can read about here. Pregnancy is the craziest roller coaster there is). Partly because I merely wanted give some background on why I believe what I do when it comes to abortion. It’s weird to me that abortion has turned into such a polarizing political issue. I wish we could just clear away all the politics and discuss the topic without it turning into The Hatfields and The McCoys.
Let me say that I am neither a Republic nor a Democrat. There are things I like about both parties and things that make me roll my eyes. I guess I would say that I’m more a Libertarian than anything; live and let live, as I’ve said before. Mostly I just hate politics and Washington D.C. in general and really believe that 98% of national politicians are weasels.
I am mostly against government-sanctioned death in all forms. I hate war and will always be against sending our sons off to fight unless ChinaRussiaCrazyArabs are crossing the Canadian border to invade us. Not that I hate soldiers. I love soldiers! Which is why I want to keep them alive. Especially now that I have teenage boys. I think there should be a law that any politician who suggests a war should have to stay in the to-be-invaded country the entire time the war is on. Maybe then those power-hungry war mongers would think twice. I also oppose killing old people whom we are tired of caring for. And babies whom we don’t want to start caring for.
I don’t really mind killing killers, though. They had their chance. Either kill them or try to rehabilitate them. Don’t waste my money keeping them locked up, bored and angry. Or at least have them pay their grave debt to society by allowing drug and makeup companies to do their testing on them.
Anyhoo, this was supposed to be about abortion. I would like to take special offense at all the women who assert than men have no say in abortion matters. Last time I checked, a man was kind of a necessity for pregnancy. And as a partner shouldn’t he get say? How totally rude to say that men shouldn’t have an opinion. Of course they should! Half of that fetus is theirs, after all.
As I mentioned yesterday, there was a woman I spoke to at the abortion clinic who was on her tenth abortion. I don’t know who paid for them or what her background was. I’m assuming she wasn’t raped ten times. But this was the thing that I kept thinking after I left the clinic (besides how unjust the world is. I wanted a baby, and here were all these women who couldn’t wait to get rid of theirs! Not fair not fair not fair!!!) I am absolutely not a judgemental person. You can ask Mister; he says that’s my most positive quality. I just go with the flow and take it all in stride (unless you’re a killer. I am very judgmental of killers.) So I am in no way suggesting that that woman at the clinic was a bad or evil person. (Irresponsible, though? Obviously.)
It does not seem right to treat abortion like it’s a form of birth control. There are emotional consequences to having an abortion and it’s wrong to not inform all women that there are. Abortion should not be treated like it’s no big deal, emotionally. It is a big deal!
I do believe that a fetus is a baby once there is a heartbeat. People have all sorts of opinions on when life starts but to me it’s when the heart gets going. Ask any woman who’s had a miscarriage and she’ll tell you it’s a baby.
Women have the very unusual job of being the custodians of life. We can decide what to eat or drink while we are pregnant and that is our right. And as custodians we can decide that we don’t want to take on the job of parent. It’s sad to me that a woman wouldn’t want to have a baby, but not everyone is in the right place physically, emotionally or mentally to raise a human. God gave us stewardship when he designed the whole pregnancy plan. I don’t think the government has the right to tell you that you have to stay pregnant when you don’t want to.
I also don’t want women to have to endanger themselves by having to go to seedy backwater abortion clinics. You know women will have abortions. It has been thus since probably the beginning of time. If abortions become illegal women who don’t want to have babies won’t suddenly become dewy-eyed mothers in blissful supportive relationships. In other words, abortions are going to happen. Whether you think they are murder or not. And women have the right to decide. I know from my experience that pregnancy termination my be the right decision when there are severe health risks. We cannot say that all abortion is wrong any more than we can say that all abortion is right.
I don’t think it’s right to expect the government to pay for abortions. Birth control, yes. Abortions, no. Not when there are so many people who are morally against it. As I said yesterday, I am incredibly fertile. I’ve gotten pregnant nine times. Not once have I gotten pregnant accidentally. I managed to make it happen when I wanted to. I know, I know– your cousin was using two forms of birth control and still got pregnant. Let’s encourage people to be responsible. Birth control really works a lot of the time!
I am a mother and it breaks my heart to hear of children born into abusive or neglectful homes. I don’t want babies to be born into horrible circumstances.
I do believe that babies are a blessing. And babies can be powerful changers for good. And that the chance to obtain a body is something that every spirit child of God deserves. I believe that more girls/women need to give their babies up for adoption. Now that the stigma of teen pregnancy is pretty much gone, let’s see more girls being courageous and giving themselves and their babies a better shot at life by allowing a mature and loving set of parents raise their child. And hopefully we’ll see fewer grandparents who feel like it’s a just punishiment to make their pregnant daughters keep their babies.
So am I pro-life or pro-choice? Both, I guess. I wish there were some way to address this problem holistically and try to find what’s best for a woman who is stuck with an unwanted pregnancy instead of feeling like only one opinion is right.
I am not trying to convince anyone of my beliefs not do I want any of you readers to rant at me. I just get really angry when I hear abortion discussed so one-dimenionally and just wanted to air my opinion.
14 thoughts on “Abortion, Part 2–Yep, Let’s Talk About It”
I totally agree with all that. My brother got a girl pregnant and she aborted it and he has been devastated ever since. I do think women have the right to choose. I think the choice is when and with whom you drop your drawers for. But there are some cases for terminating a fetus. Mostly I think when the woman didn’t have a choice (rape or incest). But a drunken bad decision doesn’t count.
I think a lot of us are in the middle with you on this. I think abortion should remain legal; but I also believe that, in the case of a healthy baby, abortion is mostly an economic choice. We need to make sure every mother can be sure of health care for herself and her baby and of a living minimum wage for herself. That’s the way to make the abortion rate go down, rather than outlawing it. Canada’s abortion rate is 25% less than ours, due to more progressive social policies.
But I really don’t know of ANYONE in the pro-life community that insists on a pregnant teen keeping the baby as a punishment! That’s a canard of the far-left pro-choicers. I do know of many grandparents-to-be who have lovingly encouraged their pregnant teen to give up their babies for adoption rather than have an abortion. I also have friends who have helped their single daughters raise the babies that resulted from an unwanted pregnancy. They are motivated by a love for the babies and for their daughters, not by revenge!
I am against the death penalty. It’s not what it does to the “victim” that bothers me, it’s what it does to us, killing people in cold blood. It’s dehumanizing, and no one should have to do that. There should be life sentence with no parole. Most of the wasted money is spent appealing death penalty sentences.
Thanks for being willing to discuss the complexity of this topic. More people should do so and not let the political parties get away with abstractions and caricatures of the real situations surrounding abortion in our country.
I was watching Honey Boo Boo (I know. Great TV.) And Honey Boo Boo’s sister who is 17 is pregnant. The mom (who got pregnant when she was 15 BTW) essentially says, “If she’s going to do it, then she’s going to have to face the consequences.” Meaning she has to keep the baby. Not exactly a “punishment” but there apparently wasn’t a discussion of the far-reaching consequences of the decision to keep the baby. I’m guessing that keeping your baby is what people in that situation do. And that is unfortunate.
I loved your post and agree with everything you said! I wish more women with unplanned pregnancies would consider placing their children for adoption. My mom was adopted into a loving family when she was a newborn. I’m so thankful for her birth mother in making such a difficult and selfless decision. Coincidentally, my husbands father was also adopted as a newborn into a stable, loving family. As an adult he met his birth mother and let’s just say he was also grateful for her decision 😉 All in all, birth control works 99.9% of the time so it should be used 100% of the time when pregnancy is not wanted!
I just don’t understand why a young girl would want to limit the possibilities in her life by making it so much harder by keeping a baby. Not to mention making her parents lives harder. And not giving her child the very best life available? Yes, giving up a baby is incredibly hard. But so is being a single mom!
I agree that the issue of abortion should be discussed by both parents. Fathers also have a say in the decision making. For me, abortion is not that-all-negative-thing. It is also beneficial in some way. We don’t want to see another unwanted baby in this world. And by the way, your blog is really interesting and not biased. It tackles both sides of the story.
I also hate how politicized this subject has become, and how impossible it is to have honest discussion about it.
I am pro-life, and I think the Roe v. Wade decision was an abomination. However I don’t necessarily want to see abortion banned entirely. I would love to see Roe v. Wade struck down, and the matter handed back over to the individual states. If a state wants to legalize abortion, OK, I can accept that even if I don’t like it. A person can choose to leave that state (or, conversely, to move to that state) if they so desire. However, federally mandated use of my tax dollars for the killing of babies (or the support thereof) is something I have a very hard time accepting.
To me the moral issue boils down to abortion vs. adoption. Except for extreme medical circumstances when the life of the mother is at risk or there is no chance for the life of the baby, I think abortion is almost always morally wrong. And I’m somewhat ambiguous even when it comes to a baby who cannot survive past birth. I know a couple who opted to carry their anencephalic baby to term, and then, after she passed away, donated the baby’s healthy organs to babies who would otherwise have died. What a beautiful gift to arise from that family’s tragedy.
There are way too many people waiting to adopt babies. Because so few women are placing babies for adoption, domestic adoption of newborns in this country has become prohibitively expensive for most people, and even if you can somehow afford it, you will likely wait years before a baby becomes available to you. Many, many couples every year pay tens of thousands of dollars and wait for months or years for the chance to adopt a disabled baby from a foreign country, because there are so few babies available for adoption here. And now a lot of international adoptions are closing to the U.S. because of stricter regulations required by the U.S. government. That’s a whole ‘nother story.
It’s impossible for me to imagine any healthy baby born in the United States, regardless of race, gender, disability, or circumstances of birth, who would not have couples falling over themselves to be considered as adoptive parents.
I know that there are difficult and complicated emotions involved in adoption. I think that women who make this brave choice are heroes, and that for many of them it is the hardest thing they ever will do. But it is the right thing to do. If our government were to get involved at all, it should get involved in supporting women who choose adoption.
It is horrifying to me that our society is at a place where it is more socially and emotionally acceptable to kill a child than to place him or her for adoption.
I think when the complicated situations of most women (there will always be exceptions of course, but I’m speaking generally) at abortion clinics like the one you described are examined honestly, the choice they are making ultimately boils down to the physical inconvenience or social embarrassment of staying pregnant for a few more months. If adoption agencies didn’t have years-long waiting lists, maybe I would believe differently, but that is not reality. And to me, killing a child simply to avoid physical inconvenience or social embarrassment is unambiguously wrong.
Even so, I can’t be too judgmental of women who choose abortion. So many of a person’s moral opinions are shaped by the social mores with they were raised (and over which they have no control), and I think many of them have never truly and deeply examined the moral aspects of the physical act they are choosing to commit.
I hope that most, if they really were honestly informed of the consequences of their decisions (both physical and emotional), and fully apprised of all the options available to them, would choose to give their baby a chance at life.
Well, I pretty much agree with everything you said. I’m not Mormon–I’m a Bay Area, liberal, Catholic mom. My children mean everything to me, and probably because of them I am aware of how complex and difficult the issue of abortion is. What I love about the the internet and blogs is how *I* can connect with *You*, and find our commonalities. Man, I love that. Thanks so much for writing this, Hildie. You rock. XOXO.
Nice to meet you, Jennifer! Hope you stick around!
Well written my friend. Sorry for the losses you described by the way. You’re right about the heartbeat test and those of us who have miscarried know that that heart beat means a baby and not a fetus. You are great and I love reading your blog.
Very well written, Hildie. I think you looked at the issue with pretty unbiased eyes. And I’d wager that most women, if you really talked to them about it (with politicians and laws and political parties aside) would agree with you! Although some people may not agree with the God angle of it, I think most people, if they really examined their feelings, would acknowledge that A) in a pregnant girl’s/woman’s belly is an entity of worth. Whether you consider it a baby upon conception or heartbeat or birth viability, at some point there is something in there that is alive and worth treasuring , and that to terminate it is something of a tragedy. B) a lot of abortions are needlessly used as birth control and that we’d do better spending a lot more money on education and prevention than bickering over laws. C) There are a lot of emotional ramifications to both abortion and keeping a baby under less than ideal circumstances that women are grossly undereducated about and, sadly, really can’t comprehend until the decision is made.
Case in point: In pretty much EVERY case I know personally of a teenage girl getting pregnant and deciding to keep the baby (while staying single), she has regretted it later. Maybe she still loves the child, but teenagers who keep babies just cannot seem to be convinced how much keeping that baby will change/ruin their lives. They can’t comprehend how hard it will be; it seems so romantic! They can’t picture the ways in which it will stunt their own personal growth. They can’t foresee how much their future relationships, careers, finances, etc. will be impacted by the decision to keep a baby, which sounds so fun when you’re 16 or 17.
So anyway, my point is, this IS a really complex, tough topic. But your points are all really logical and sound, in my opinion. And I think a good majority–on both sides of the political aisle–would probably have the same thoughts as you if you really sat them down and talked about all these aspects of the issue. Ya, there will be nut jobs on both ends of the spectrum who draw a hard and fast line and do not allow for any extenuating circumstances to change their opinion. But I’d bet most women probably think along the same lines as you, so it’s a pity that more social forums can’t talk about it more sanely like this.
I know a couple that would love to adopt a baby and even had one for a few days before the single mother decided she wanted to raise the baby herself.
It is sad that so many babies are killed through abortion when they could have loving parents through adoption.
Thank you so much for posting this. My opinion exactly. I’m a Mormon (and a teen, so I’m finally starting to pay attention to current issues like this), and I’ve never had a conversation with anyone about abortion (let’s say talking about politics/etc. with my friends and family is like skipping through a battlefield). For some reason I felt like being neutral on this topic wasn’t in line with my religious beliefs. I’m glad I’m not the only one. Thanks again!
Thanks for commenting, Megan. Topics like this are really complicated and it’s hard to reduce everything to a simple yes or no stance. The more life experience you get, the more your ideas and opinions might be swayed. But the important thing is to approach any topic prayerfully. That might seem kind of lame, but really the idea of sharing the same opinion with Heavenly Father can’t be wrong.