I have always been a deep, sound sleeper. It’s pretty much one of my talents, to be able to fall asleep anytime I’m horizontal. And I don’t wake up until the next morning. Normally.
Once when I was a teenager I fell fast asleep as usual. I woke up in the middle of the night, though, when I rolled over and felt someone’s arm under my pillow. I gingerly touched the arm; yes, there were fingers and everything. There is no scenario in which anyone I knew would have gotten in bed with me. Why would a stranger be in my bed??? I had no idea but it certainly was not good. Not good at all. My heart started to beat faster and I tried to think of various ways of escape without completely panicking. Due to the fact that I have enormous teeth, I have always resorted to biting as a means of self defense. This would be my tactic: bite the person’s arm and run like crazy.
I calmed myself down enough to chomp on the arm as hard as I could. Only the person didn’t flinch. He didn’t even stir. He certainly should have at least shouted out with that big of a bite. What was going on?
I threw back the pillow only to find that there certainly was an arm there. Only . . . . it was my arm. Completely fallen asleep. I stood up and my limp arm came along, pins and needles shooting through it. I shook my arm until I got the blood flowing again, the bite mark turning bright red.
I don’t know whether it was the adrenaline or humiliation that kept me awake for the rest of the night. But here are some lessons that you should learn from my experience:
1. Things always seem very alarming in the middle of the night. Never trust any judgement made at 3 am.
2. Never bite an intruder without seeing the whites of his eyes.
3. Don’t ever sneak into my bed. You will most certainly regret it.
3 thoughts on “The Man Who Sneaked Into My Bed”
This made me laugh so hard! I’ve totally done this before, minus the biting. But I remember the panicked feeling.
That happened to a friend of mine once – his arm ended up sort of draped over his head and went numb, but the hand on that arm was clutching his other arm, which was still fine. Except that it was being clutched by SOMEONE ELSE’S HAND! Or so he thought…