Decorating Pet Peeves

I thought by now I’d be tired of Pinterest. But because there are infinity cool/pretty/clever things out there, I still remain powerless once I log on.  I spend a lot of time looking at decorating and house decor. Not everything is groovy, though. There are lots of things that I just hate. Things that are so dumb I don’t know how they remain popular. In no particular order:

White sofas. They are everywhere. Every room in every magazine seems to have at least one white piece of furniture. I understand that there are people out there who have nothing better to trouble their minds about than worrying every 20 seconds that their sofa is getting dirty. I don’t understand these people at all. Not one tiny bit. I can’t imagine the amount of stress that a white couch (or chair) would add to my life. Even if it’s a machine washable slipcover. Haven’t these people ever heard of chocolate milk? Or husbands who like to lie down with their feet up? Or brand new dark jeans? Or pets with dark hair? Or just dust floating through the air?  I have had people with white sofas swear they’re not hard to maintain. I have one word for these people: liars.

Dumb Sayings. It’s really popular to have words incorporated into your decor. I have a few signs and sayings around various rooms in my house. They’re phrases that are really special to me.  But at some point this word trend is just dumb. For instance, this sign that I saw at Michael’s last week:

IMG_1573

Home. Of all the words to pick, that’s the best you can think of? Like you’re not going to know where you are unless you have a sign proclaiming it? Like your friends are going to come over and be like, “oh, I thought we were at the dentist’s office but I can see from your sign that we are in a home.”  Duh.  This is even dumber than “live, laugh, love”, another silly and meaningless phrase (“hey, I forgot to laugh today but that doormat just reminded me. So haw haw haw.”)

Karate-Chopped Pillows. This trend came out of the clear blue sky a few years ago. The first time I saw it I actually said out loud, “what in the world?”  See, we used to have this pug named Anna. Anna’s favorite thing was to sit up on the back of our sofa and lie as close to our heads as possible. If she could have made out with us, she would have. Unfortunately, when Anna would manage to get her lazy butt off of the sofa, all the sofa pillows would have a giant dent in the top of each one. It drove me insane in the membrane. I couldn’t have cared less that there was pug hair everywhere (pugs shed like you would not believe), but those messed up pillows made me lose it. So imagine how perplexed I was to see that there is a style that makes it look like pets have been sleeping on every single cushion. This is now a thing. Why? WHY iS THIS POPULAR? I think it’s ridiculous and I don’t care if Joanna Gaines* shows up at my front door and demands that I karate-chop my pillows; it’s never happening. (Bonus points in the picture below for karate-chopped pillows AND a white sofa! Too bad there’s no chevron as well; then it would have been everything I dislike the most.)

Karate Chopped pillows

 

 Open kitchen shelving. Oh how pretty it looks. There is something that makes my heart skip a little beat whenever I see a kitchen with open shelves instead of boring cupboards.  But then I remember that I actually have plastic cups. And bowls. And a bunch of mismatched mugs which I happen to be quite fond of. And several sets of dishes that are packed into the cupboards because that’s how kitchens are: full of stuff.  Maybe if all you have in your kitchen is a charmingly curated collection of vintage milk glass, then this would work for you.

open shelving

 

Or how about this? It looks so wonderful! But it is just a disaster waiting to happen. I can hardly wait until some three-year old tries to get those pretzels down for a snack.  Let’s think about this: who would keep their flour and sugar in a glass jar on a super high shelf? It makes no sense. (Truthfully I have this pinned on my Pinterest Board–me and ten trillion other people–but it’s totally a pipe dream. Like I might as well wish for a dog that scoops his own poop.)

Open pantry

 

 

My final pet peeve is  storage-less side tables. They could be anywhere but I find it particularly vexing in the bedroom. What the heck? Don’t you have any earplugs? Or chapstick? Or a pen? Where do you put these things? In the case of this room below there’s barely enough room on the top of the side table, what with the orchid and picture frame and superfluous alarm clock. There’s not even space for a box of tissues, but maybe I’m the only one who ever has a runny nose.  If a side table doesn’t have drawers it’s dead to me.

dumb side table

 

I know I must sound crotchety and old. Kind of like the decorating version of an old lady who says she only wants sensible shoes. But I’m right! I don’t care that every catalog I get in the mail has open shelving and side tables with no storage whatsoever. They’re wrong, I tell you! Wrong!

 

*Joanna Gaines is the main decorating lady on the HGTV show Fixer Upper. It’s a really good show filmed right up the road in Waco. I have only watched a few episodes thanks to a Fixer Upper marathon that was on TV the last time I stayed at a hotel. Someone really needs to invent a cable system that only has HGTV. I would be a very happy girl. BTW, I went to Joanna’s shop, Magnolia, last week. It was very cute but verrrrrry tiny.

| Filed under Bad Things, Decorating, IMO

13 thoughts on “Decorating Pet Peeves

  1. I hear ya!! We’re looking at home improvement ideas and I keep saying “Yeah, its really pretty but its NOT practical!!!” Who lives in these magazines anyway?? Oh right…its just a photo shoot… lame.

  2. I don’t like seeing items used that are unsafe for children or pets just because they’re trendy. Open bar carts piled with liquor or glass coffee tables in homes with small children. Popular plants that are poisonous to animals in homes with pets.

    I was in a hotel lobby some years ago, where a child tried to sit on one of the glass end tables. It promptly broke. Thankfully the child wasn’t seriously hurt. (But really, who sits on a glass table? Kids do.)

  3. when someone voices a strong opinion you choose to possibly offend someone. What the heck? I have a white couch. Really? And the word stuff, love it. But that’s not the point. The point is that it is not kind. I don’t care what your opinion is. But I do care if you hurt someone’s feelings.

    1. Judy,
      I’m very sorry that me not liking white sofas hurts your feelings. I hardly think that my not liking them is unkind. Any more than the fact that I might not like the same movies as you is unkind. I also don’t like mustard or coffee. That is a strong opinion too. Hopefully that won’t offend anyone. But it is my opinion, whether anyone likes it or not. I trust that most grown-ups are mature enough to not be upset any time someone has different likes and dislikes.

    2. Being offended is a personal choice. I can’t think of a time when I’ve chosen to be offended in my entire life. It’s a matter of having healthy personal boundaries and knowing that no one else is you. They get their opinions, so do I. And that’s just how it goes.

  4. hehehe I fantasize about having a pantry full of neatly labeled glass jars containing a beautiful variety of wholesome foods. Then I come back to reality. The wholesome foods are there but having a bunch of glass jars in reach of 4 year old twin boys would be total insanity.

  5. Speaking of tables with no storage space — At the risk of being so old fashioned I should be drawn an quartered, what about the stupid fashion of pedestal sinks, a la 1900’s to 1950’s? They look spare and retro, but where do you put your extra rolls of toilet paper/ makeup baskets/ curling irons and things/ Comet and scrub cloths/ Windex/ shoe polish/ plastic shower caps/ extra towels and wash cloths/ trash basket/ etc. etc. etc.? OH! You BUILD AN EXTRA CUPBOARD to hold those? (SUCKER!)

  6. Amen to all of the above. I did have a couch with a white/beige slipcover and it was a pain.

    Oh and here’s another: book rails for kids’ rooms that display the books side-by-side facing outward. Pretty, but inefficient unless your child will only ever own 15 books.

  7. Hey Hildie, I am pretty sure that last photo is actually a metal trash can repurposed into a night stand. Still, tissues, lamp, book, ear plugs and chapstick…and a place to charge my phone at night. that’s what nightstands are for!

  8. Your post makes me think about the Portlandia episode about “Put a Bird On It!” Some day there will be an episode with chevrons. I agree, so many pretty things but there isn’t much that’s made to be liveable, as in real life with kids that play and husbands that relax and everybody is happy because it’s a home and not a shrine.

  9. Oh how I hate open shelving. Sure it looks nice in a photo shoot and I am fine if someone else wants to have them, but dear God, I don’t ever want them in my home. I hate dusting as it is and I don’t get the thrill of washing off a dish before using it EVERY SINGLE TIME.

    You left out the faux taxidermy everywhere. It amazes me what becomes a trend. LOL

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.