I do not understand certain things:
Why people dislike traveling when there are no kids involved. Sitting in a chair, albeit an uncomfortable one on a plane, with nothing to do but read books and eat snacks? Delightful! You would be correct in assuming that I’m pretty jazzed about flying solo.
Big purses! They’re everywhere! I hate them! Listen, I just got my kids all potty trained. The last thing I want is to feel like I’m carrying around a diaper bag again. I need to keep my handbag streamlined and little or pretty soon it becomes a repository for every receipt and piece of garbage my hand touches.
Why is everyone getting their hair cut? It’s like some sort of epidemic amongst the people I know. Is this happening where you live? Are people looking for a change in the weather, but if not they’ll take a change in their hair? I went shorter last year and learned my lesson: I don’t look so good with a bob anymore.
Why would you shop anywhere other than Target? Don’t say “prices” because Wal Mart’s not that much cheaper. Besides, isn’t it worth it to go to a store and not be frightened by the state of humanity?
How can women not notice they have a hairy upper lip? And how can it not drive them crazy? I know a couple of people who don’t wax their lips ever–and they need to. I think about it every time I look at them. I mean, it’s distracting (I’m not saying who it is. If you know me IRL you can just become increasingly paranoid that maybe it’s you I’m talking about). It’s not that hard to wax your own face. You can do it! Or better yet, pay someone to do it for you! I have to wax not only my stache, but my burns, my eyebrows and the three crazy hairs that grow underneath my chin and drive me insane (I can feel them, but I can’t see them. It’s like the lady version of Chinese water torture). It’s not just me, either. Mister once broke up with a girl he liked because she had a stache and he didn’t have the nerve to say anything about it. I know, we’re a deep couple.
Why do people not make homemade cookies? Is it really so hard to combine eight ingredients? I can have a batch of chocolate chip cookies in the oven in five minutes. And they are so much better than the kind you scoop out of a plastic tub or–horrors!–buy at the store. If one more person says to me, “I’m just not good at it”, I swear I will scream. Just make them a few times and you will be good at it. It’s making cookies, folks, not sewing a wedding dress. Get my favorite chocolate chip recipe here.