A little Italian cheese

It’s just as I suspected after my happy post yesterday.  Nobody is interested in me when my life is good.  You only want the embarrassing/bitter/snotty Jennie. Will do!

Here is a nice little story for you: it will make me sound utterly unsophisticated because it’s about food, and in that category I am utterly unsophisticated. Basically I don’t like food with very strong flavors (except Funyons).  I like to think it’s because of my ultra sensitive taste buds but it’s probably just due to a dislike of new things and immaturity (hey, I just admitted to eating Funyons. And I don’t just eat them;  I love them.)

There are certain foods that I just can’t stand because of their potency: sourdough bread (it tastes like stinky socks), sushi (I hate anything that tastes like the ocean.  Even the sushi that Arianne and Mister both claimed was so good it tasted like candy.  Um, candy is the one word I would not use to describe food containing octopus tentacles and fish eggs), and many cheeses (parmesan being one of the more offensive.  I usually don’t mind parmesan in dishes where it blends in and adds to the overall tone.  But if I can smell it, it grosses me out).  Which brings me to my story.

Mister and I went on a cruise for part of our honeymoon.  It was warm and tropical and lovely, but after a while I started feeling sick.   I’m not a seasick kind of girl, having spent much time on my dad’s sailboat in my younger years, but I sure wasn’t feeling great on my cruise.  Toward the end of the voyage I started feeling so crappy that I couldn’t get out of bed.  And usually when I feel sick the only thing that sounds good to me is hot buttered noodles.  So Mister went down to the dining room and had the cooks rustle me up a plate of pasta.  The waiter was nice enough to deliver it right to my bedside, and with a flourish he whisked the silver dome off of the plate.  And there were my hot buttered noodles covered in parmesan!  

I promptly vomited all over.  All I could think was, “I can’t believe I’m throwing up in front of my new husband!”  (Nevermind the waiter standing there too.)   I swear I’m not some sort of babyish, melodramatic drama queen.  Even if I were, puking is not the kind of attention-getting stunt I’d pull.  Believe me!  It’s just that the parmesan was so strong.  And I was already feeling awful.  It was simply the last straw.

The next day I started peeing blood and it turned out that I had a raging kidney infection and had to get an antibiotic shot in my bum from the ship’s doctor (another humiliation in front of my new husband).   By then the magic had worn off and Mister was probably already regretting his decision to marry me.  But he got over it and we’ve been together almost eighteen years since then.  Sadly, I haven’t gotten over it so parmesan and I have had to go our separate ways.  I’m afraid of experiencing some sort of post-traumatic stress episode in the middle of the Olive Garden.

| Filed under I'm Not So Great, IMO

11 thoughts on “A little Italian cheese

  1. Oh my word, this was too funny. I am sorry this happened to you! When I was little, I was weird about butter. My older, much cooler cousin invited me to see a movie with her. She brought in a big tub of popcorn – really buttery popcorn – and I threw up right then and there.

  2. That sucks. There is nothing worse than being sick on vacation, except for being sick on your honeymoon. I love buttered noodles, it is my go to comfort food, but mine has to have Parmesan. Mmmmmm. I love strong foods in general.

  3. That is hilarious, in a traumatic, that couldn't possibly happen sort of way. I'll make a mental note to never bring you a meal that consists of parmesan.

    Oh – and sourdough bread is totally like eating gym sock!

  4. You know, it's funny because I love strong flavors like olives and goat cheese ands stuff. but Ive never been a super huge fan of Parmeasan either. It doesn't make me barf in front of strangers or anything, but plain, raw, it is pretty funky.

  5. I too have been married 18 years. BUT we went on a cruise a couple months ago. And when I got back 2 days later I had a kidney infection!! Odd.. Sorry you don't like parmesan. Hope you like other cheeses 🙂

  6. I was totally laughing while I was reading this because we had pasta for dinner last night and the kids poured buckets of parmesan cheese on theirs. They can't get enough of the stuff!

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